Teachings from the Hedgehog and the Lotus

"...I invite anyone who chooses to do so, to take a natural object...and contemplate what that natural object tells you about how to bring your intention forward into 2010." (That was Raffi guiding our storytelling circle through the circle's closing.)

So I looked at the collection of husks, twigs, berries, and seed pods lying on the paper. And for some reason, I was drawn to an unassuming little half of a seed-pod. It kind of reminded me of a hedgehog, the way the pod's fuzzy little spines blossomed out. By chance, I flipped the pod over and was delighted to see what looked like a blooming lotus on the back!

I sat with the two sides to my natural object - the Hedgehog and the Lotus...the Outer and the Inner. What follows are the teachings they imparted:

THE HEDGEHOG
Hedgehogs make me think of Numo the Hedgehog, which makes me think of Brandy Agerbeck. I am in love with Brandy Agerbeck. (Well, not "in LOVE" with her, but you know what I mean...) Brandy is a graphic facilitation goddess and otherwise totally awesome energy who embodies what I want to do with my life: make a good living doing what I love in an amazingly authentic way. (Check out her website to see what I mean!) Completely and authentically herself, creative and wild, inspiring, self sufficient, talented, skilled and skillful, in demand, wonderfully fun and quirky, accessible and easy to find. That chick manifests much of what I want to create for my life. Or perhaps "unleash" would be the better word.

And no, I've never actually met her. She's still my hero.

My Hedgehog tells me:
- Somewhere out there are people who didn't/don't realize just how happy they would be to discover someone like you even exists in the world!
- People need to be able to find you to be able to connect with you and work with you in amazing ways. Put yourself out there and make yourself available.
- Quills down, please. When you're tense or feeling defensive, your quills come up. Your quills go down when you relax. Try having your tummy stroked...it's a surefire way to chill out a hedgehog! Mmmm...strokey tummy...
- You are not like other people. Don't try to be. Be who you are...with relish! Go singing forth into the new year as yourself, and prepare to be amazed at what comes to you.

THE LOTUS
The lotus is radiating outward, blossoming, and looks almost like a crown. There's a wee dot at the bottom center, like the jewel in the lotus. Its design is balanced and beautiful, it smells wonderful, seeing it inspires the soul. It's delicate and strong at the same time--resilient, growing from mud and in mud. The lotus is more than the sum of its petals radiating upward--it is pure, powerful, and connected.

My Lotus tells me:
Radiating upward from the jewel in the center, the lotus frames my spirit and light. Completely and utterly herself, my spirit manifests in this world through my creativity, joy, and works, making me widely accessible and easy to find. I get to do what I love, live a wonderful life, and earn a good living doing it!

Or, in other words: Let it Shine.

I think 2010 is going to be a very good year...

Advice from an Economic Hit Man

It seems as though when life removes one thing, it's really making space for another to come in.

In this case, it may be a consulting partnership. Or facilitation partnership. Or whatever we decide to call ourselves.

Things are still in the "exploration" phase, so I'll stay somewhat cryptic. But talk about taking an imperfect action. This is a situation where I hope things will turn out well, but there are many hopes and fears swirling about. Mostly fears about me screwing things up. Nothing like a skillful upbringing to instill a healthy dose of self-confidence in a kid, huh? : )

I mean, seriously!!! My possible partner and I talked about our hopes and fears for this project, and not only are they very similar, but as the conversation unfolded we got to see just how compatible and complimentary we are for each other in this kind of a venture. And yet, I can sit here at my keyboard and think "oh man, I hope he doesn't think I'm an idiot" or "oh man, I hope I don't do something stupid to screw this up!"

I just recently finished reading John Perkins' "Confessions of an Economic Hit Man." (Very cool book, by the way...I recommend it!) Anyway, in this book--amongst all the stories of shady deals and sabotaging developing countries--John shares a life view he learned from a Shuar Shaman in Ecuador: "the world is as you dream it."

So here is yet again another reminder from wherever the reminders come from - I create my world. What I think manifests through my actions and creates my reality. What I fear does the same. With this possible partnership opportunity, I can create a bitchin' camero reality...or I can hide in a closet and hope it will all work out okay. I'd rather have a bitchin' camero.

We'll see how it works out!

Flying Lessons

The other day I received an amazing message from a friend--one of those "right message at the right time" experiences. In describing the upcoming changes in my life, I mentioned that I had faith that something would be under my foot as I took my next step--that things would be okay. Here's what he wrote:

"I can tell you only this, if you choose the path you know you must, and it sounds like you want to, there is really nothing under foot and no landing. The practice as Archarya Lyon would tell you is one without reference, groundless. As my teacher, Dzongsar Khentyse would say it, there is simply nothing to grasp onto. It's all about doing it in freefall and enjoying the ride."

Automatic Response #1: Crap!
Automatic Response #2: Crap, he's right.

As much as I would like to believe that there are things I can control, things upon which I can rely, the reality is that life is a freefall from moment to moment: it is what it is. My friend's words served as a snap to get my attention, a knock on my head to see if I was paying attention. Because it's so much easier for me to cling to any ground I can...instead of allowing myself the freedom to be without ground. And after all, flying can be much more fun than desperately clinging to an illusion.

It made me think about that scene in Disney's "Earth" where the fledglings are high up in a tree, and their mother gives them flying lessons: she jumps out of the tree, flies to the ground, looks back to the fledglings and calls for them to follow. And one by one, each baby bird takes the leap, flaps its wings, and lands safely on the ground...some more gracefully than others, but all of them successful. The air, after all, is where they belong.

So I've shifted my perspective about the rapidly-approaching unknown. Perhaps life is calling for me to stop clinging to my tree and just jump already! Instead of something to fear, it's a flying lesson. Whoo hoo! Watch me flap my wings and soar!

Celebrating Our Independence

This Fourth of July weekend, I invite us to take a moment and celebrate the independence we seek to achieve from your fears and doubts, and the progress we have made toward that end.

We do not have to be completely victorious in our efforts to merit celebration. The smallest successes are worthy of our praise: speaking up that one time instead of staying silent; saying "no" when we really needed to; pushing ourselves even a toe past our normal comfort zones and realizing that we did not die in the process!

So wherever we are on our imperfect journeys, let's take this crest of the hill to look back and recognize just how far we've come. Then look ahead to all the wonderful things that lie ahead, and enjoy the next step. Adventure!!!

Planting the Seed in Public

Well, it's not like an ad in the New York Times, but it's done: I have started the Imperfect Action Force group on Facebook!

Yikes! The controlling uberperfectionist in me is freaking out...how will I possibly make that group even one tenth of what I'd like it to be? (I've also checked the group 127 times over the last ten minutes to see if anyone has found the group yet.)

The softer, more reasonable side in me is a bit more forgiving. It is, after all, the Imperfect Action Force. I've sent invites to everyone in my Facebook friends list--some may be interested, many may not. And that's okay...I've planted the seed and now I need to give it some sun, water, and space to take root and start growing. Who knows how it will flower? Could be a rose, could be society garlic. Heck, it could be corriander for all I know! (Good thing I like corriander...)

I invite you to check out the links section on the right side of the screen for a link...and feel free to give that group a little lovin' of your own to help this little plant grow.

Publish Post

Looking forward to the first harvest!

An Imperfect Runner

"So how long did it take you?"

My boyfriend's father, Jim, squinted up at me from under his floppy had as I jaunted over to him in the back yard. He had been working on the back deck, and I had just run my first ever 10K--a "challenging" trek over and under mountains, complete with sherpas. (Okay, not really, but it could have been.)

"One hour and thirty minutes," I proudly said with a smile.

Jim struggled to his feet, looking confused. "How long of a run was it?"

"A 10K mountain trail run. And I'm happy with that time, Jim."

"Oh. Okay. Let me show you what I've been doing on the deck..."

- - - - -

What I didn't tell Jim was that I came in dead last in that run. And I mean DEAD last. As in, a-trail-guide-took-my-picture-to-prove-that-I-was-alive-when-she-found-me last. After his reaction to my time, I thought it prudent to omit that small detail. So now you know: I'm a slow runner.

But guess what? I AM a runner. I LOVE running. It was always hard for me to get myself to the gym, but just try to stop me from getting my training in! I simply love the rhythm I fall into when my feet hit the pavement. I love the feeling of each step slowly sifting things out of my head and stress out of my body. It's a moving meditation for me--not about running at any particular speed, but just to be in my body covering the distance and being present for it all.

Jim ran a marathon in his 40's. He ran it at (I think) a 7 minute mile pace. I'm 39, training for the Disneyland half-marathon (my first!) in September, and I will be thrilled to run it at a 10 minute mile pace. I won't be first to cross the finish line, but I won't be last either. I'll get to experience the run, enjoy the process, maybe have my picture taken with a character or two, and cheer on the rest of the participants once I've crossed my own finish line...with a big smile on my face!

And this is where Jim and I differ about running. He sees running as a competition against others; I see running as a collaboration with myself and the moment. And by doing this, I will win that race every time regardless of my pace!

Opportunity Costs of Uncertain Futures

In these times, with an uncertain economy shaping the hopes and fears of everyday people, consistency is quite a commodity. We want to be able to bank on what we can plan for: our paychecks, our jobs, our relationships, our day-to-day lives. And we are willing to pay a high premium for this stability. Rather than venture out towards the new, we want to stay with the devil we know. Even if the job is killing us, or the relationship is sucking our soul, or the paycheck isn't enough to cover the bills. What we know is worth more than what we don't.

I'm in an odd situation at the moment. I love stability and consistency. When going on vacation, I'm the one with the need for the plan. Flying by the seat of my pants is something to do when I'm on an aeroplane...and at that point I know where I'm going anyway so it doesn't really count.
So give me good old predictability. It's safe, it's stable, and I don't have to take any risks with it.

Until that predictability crumbles out from beneath me. The organization I've been working to build for the last three years has suddenly headed in a new direction--merging with a larger organization. It's happening quickly, I'm deep in the process for making it happen, and oh yeah, when it's over I'll be out of a job. Nonprofit organizations like to say that our ultimate goal is to work ourselves out of a job...but that's easier to say when that ultimate goal is in the vague and distant future. When it's one month out, well, that's another story.

So here I am, working hard to provide a clean ending for a great organization, knowing all the while that an unknown abyss grows ever closer. What will I do once my job is over? Especially in this economy?

I find myself thinking about opportunity costs lately. Opportunity costs are basically the benefits you could have received had you pursued a different action (dictionary.com). In many cases, this is looked at in terms of staying in my current job versus moving on to something else. Had I taken "that" job offer, I could have been in a higher tax bracket by now. Of course, in many instances the opportunity cost is hypothetical--how do you know that the job you did not pursue would have panned out the way you hoped? The group could have been run by crooks, looked to you for a patsy, and you could have ended up in jail for all we know. But that's the beauty of it--because we never really know, those opportunity costs always look pretty high.

But what about the opportunity costs involved in losing ones job? What are the opportunity costs of an uncertain future? I suppose it depends on how you look at it. If I were to allow myself to become mired with fear, then my thinking would go: "oh crap, I'm losing my job in this economy, how will I find a new job doing what I've been doing? I won't be able to, so I'll have to apply for unemployment." The opportunity cost in that scenario may be very low to those who view "no options" as the only option: unemployment is the only alternative, therefore there were no benefits you could have received as a result of a different action.

However, once I got over the panic and fear of learning that my job was going away, I started to hold a more open mind. Yes, my current job was ending. But that means that I could move on to do anything I wanted. I didn't have to hold myself to the usual definition of my career self I had been cultivating for the past (mrfhshmr) years. I had been through a lot in this last position: I learned a lot about my abilities and my Self. I didn't have to view my uncertain future with unabashed panic as I was so naturally inclined to do. I started to think about my uncertain future in terms of opportunity costs. What would be the benefits I could gain from pursuing a different option. Or different options? Why did I have to limit myself?

Suddenly, my opportunity costs began to both rise and liberate me at the same time. More opportunities allowed for greater opportunity costs. But at the same time, the more opportunities for myself that I saw, the flatter those opportunity costs became because there were benefits to any decision I made, benefits to every path I wanted to pursue. The biggest opportunity cost became simply going on unemployment. If I wrote off my future, even an uncertain one, for something I knew I could rely upon, then what was I keeping out of my life? Independence? Freedom? Becoming my own boss? Becoming an innovator in my field? Finally teaching seminars? Evolving as an expert? Pursuing my own authentic path and doing what fuels my passion and feeds my soul? Pretty big costs there.

Right now, I'm about a month outside of the abyss. Give or take. I don't know what my first step into that abyss will look like, or what will be under my feet to support me. I know I don't want to go backward, and I know I don't want to cower at the edge. I want to walk forth into my uncertain future with an unwavering belief in myself and my worth, knowing that I can manifest something under my feet to support every step of my journey...even if it appears to be just the soles of my feet at the time. That's an opportunity cost I choose to claim.